This is for all of the women

This is for all of the women.
This is for you.
Yes, it's for you dear sister, friend,
mother, wife, daughter and lover.

For the ones who are never satisfied
with the image looking back at them.
This is for your struggle,
the constant struggle!
to be something different,
to be like her....or her...even her.
Anything but you, yourself, the image looking back at you.

This is for the minutes, hours, days, nights...
is it a lifetime?
of trying to change, fix, perfect your already beautiful being.
This is for those moments spent (wasted)
starving, binging, purging, planning...
How long will you believe the lies? (those voices)
It's already been too long, too many minutes, my friend.

This is your life, now, it's here sister!
The voices, the demons, of course they will try to drag you down.
But listen, there will always be people out there ready
to pull you up, to hold you up, embrace, to love, love, love you up.
I love you, I see you,
all of your beauty,
your one and only kind of beauty.

This is for all of the women,
a call of sorts,
look up!
Yes, it's for you too.
You are strong and beautiful and fierce and so much more than you realize.
This is for you.
We can hold each other up, together,
here, take my hand.
I see you, your one and only kind of beauty.

 *       *      *      *       *        *      *      *      *        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, please talk to someone, it's time. Don't wait any longer. 

http://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/


Love from Oz.

Crying on the Podium

Just recently I taught a class, not too big and most of the students had been practicing for a while. It was a strong class from the start. Everyone was moving together, they were very focused, but what caught my attention was that they were all trying so hard. I mean, really trying, with determination on their faces as the sweat rolled into their eyes, off of their skin, onto their mat. As I was teaching Standing Head to Knee pose, I noticed one student had both legs straight and was working on bending his elbows down and I'd never before seen him go that far in the posture. He had improved so much. And the sight of that man, pushing himself to another level...I was overcome with emotion.

And that's when I realized I was going to cry. I can't remember if this is something that they warned us about at Teacher Training. Crying on the podium. They talk about feeling nervous, tired, or even when you are sick, but maybe not so much about crying. And so, as I stood up there, I felt my voice choke up, I swallowed back the tears...my words coming out very weak and quiet. Luckily, everyone was working so hard that most of them wouldn't have noticed their teacher was on the verge of tears. But at the end of the first set of the posture, I tried to regain my composure, making a joke that their postures were going to make me cry, they looked so good! And some of them quickly looked up, confused looks, some laughed...I can imagine some of them thinking I probably needed a break from the hot room!

But as I think back on that moment, I can only think, this is Yoga. I am here with you, present, I see you trying, I see you struggling and I feel it. I feel that you had a long day, that you're tired, but you're still in here, locking your knee, staring at yourself in the mirror, determined and focused. And it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. More than once throughout that class I had to fight back tears. I can't quite explain why it kept happening and even now, thinking back, it feels tender. Every class is different and this one was powerful for me. While I wouldn't want to feel like I was going to cry every time I teach a class, (yikes, no!) I am thankful for this time.

As a teacher, you see students cry, get frustrated, you see them fall, you see them give up. But you see them get up and try again, and change and grow...if you keep your eyes open, your heart open, you can see so much and learn so much. It's part of the journey of teaching and practicing this yoga. You learn from me and I learn from you. And I think that's what happened that day. My eyes were open. My heart was open.

My heart is open. 

Love from Oz.

the words

I think there is so much more
to say to you.
The words get lost
lost
lost
in the wake up
get up
get going
hurry
of the day.
And I'm scared
we will be
lost
so lost
if I don't find
the words.

Practice hard. Live more.

Bikram yoga has made my life so much better. It's pretty simple...before Bikram and after Bikram are two very different lives and hands down, this one's so much better. When I found the yoga, my life wasn't awful, it just wasn't...full of life. It wasn't joyful, it wasn't everything I hoped for, everything I dreamed about. I'm not saying that my life is perfect now by any means, it's not that...it's just that I'm doing something I truly love and sharing it with others...which in turn makes me feel so good. Every day. And it's considered my job! I'm surrounded by beautiful people who love this yoga and am lucky to share this passion with my partner, Craig.

But, being an all or nothing sort of gal, I've had to work hard at finding the balance. Yup, the balance of this yoga life. Being a full time teacher, I am in the room at least two to three times a day...teaching and practicing. I love to practice as much as I can, but sometimes I have to back off when I'm teaching alot of classes or if I want to spend time doing something else. This has not always been easy for me. I think alot of yogis go through this, especially those that have made Bikram Yoga a staple of their every day lives. The thing that we forget is that this yoga is here to help us live healthier, fuller, richer lives! It's not meant to stifle us or stop us from doing what we love. The other day I heard a student who had just finished a 30 day challenge say something to the effect that now he was going to take a break and go surfing the next day. And the way he said it sounded like..."now I'm going to go out and live my life and do stuff that I like." Since then, I've been thinking about it alot, this idea of balance and life and yoga. Bikram himself talks about doing what you love, eating what you like...he doesn't sit around quietly locked inside a yoga room. He's quite the opposite! So why can't we live that way?

I know that some people think that you should practice every single day, no matter what...and some weeks that's what I do. But then there are the days that I want to get up late and have a big breakfast with Craig...or go out for a coffee at one of our favorite cafes. Maybe there's a good movie on or I want to Skype with my Mom and Dad. Or sometimes, I just need a break, because I already taught a couple of classes and my body is tired. Or maybe there's no reason at all. The yoga is here to make what you love doing even better..surfing, running or biking. Maybe you're a dancer or swimmer...whatever it is, it's not meant to keep you from what you love. It's meant to give more life to your life, to give you more energy and focus and overall vitality. I think sometimes, we forget. We work so hard to get to class that we don't stop and think about anything else.

Now, that being said, there are days that I'm just making excuses for myself and simply need to get my butt into the room. We all have those days, but this is more about the overall practice and how it fits into your life. Finding the balance. Yoga is life, it's everything. It's not just the 90 minutes in the hot room, it's what happens after you walk out the door as well. You practice hard so you can live more. So do it. Start living. The yoga, this life...it's all there waiting for you.

Love from Oz.

to treasure

Sometimes all you need is to get back to the people that know you in the way only old friends can...all of your mistakes, your past loves, your dreams, your heartache, your tears, your crazy nights, your victories, the things that you can't even remember. (and sometimes don't want to) That kind of stuff. That kind of friend. The rare kind you treasure. Treasure forever. I was lucky to see more than one on my short trip to Michigan. It was so lovely. And lovely in that 'this is something I want to remember forever' way. I miss them already. Oh, and Michigan was beautiful. I forgot how much beauty there was in the mitten state. Especially after the first snow, sparkly, and the trees bare as the sun sets. Pretty Michigan.

No honking horns or elephants...

Back home now. It's quieter here, no honking horns or elephants walking past. Everything is so clean, no one is living on the streets...and, of course, there's Starbucks. Coming back during Thanksgiving has been a bit of a culture shock, America at it's buying best...Black Friday, sales, sales, more sales, people fighting each other for the best deal. Not the prettiest part of this country, in my opinion. But my family is here, and that's really all that matters. Even though I miss the elephants, the colors and all things India, it's good to be back. Sometimes the quiet is exactly what you need. Sometimes you just need to be near family, to soak up the familiar stuff that only they can give you. The weird, crazy, fun stuff that always happens when you're with your family. I'm happy to be soaking it all up. Happy to be home.

Love from CA.

Dear India, I will miss you

As this is my last day in India, I wanted to post something in my blog before I leave for the airport. I feel like it should be profound and deep but, to be honest...it just feels a bit surreal. I mean, six months goes really fast and I feel a little bit shocked that I am actually packing my last few things into my suitcase. I have known this is coming, so I shouldn't really be surprised, but it's still there a little bit...

I am so excited to head back to my family in CA, and then back to Brisbane after a few weeks. I need the comfort of home and to hold my nephew again and to have coffee with my mom...I have no idea what it will be like to be back in America after this time in India. I think there is a part of me that will miss this place more than I can understand right now. This place has made a home inside my heart and is there to stay.

We may find ourselves here again someday. But until then, dear India, I will miss you. You are beautiful, sad, strange, silly, crazy, amazing...you are unlike anything I have ever experienced. And for that I am grateful.

Love from India.