Getting stuck in the land of negative self-talk

After teaching a yoga class yesterday, one of the students came up to me to talk about something she had been able to do for the first time. She told me that she was able to grab her heels in Camel pose and she was elated! She said that after she'd finished the posture and come up, she was so excited she wanted to tell everyone. She wanted to celebrate! Her daughter was practicing next to her and she said it was hard not to call out to her and share her success.

Her excitement and happiness over what her body was able to do is still in mind today. As women (and men) we can be so critical of ourselves, specifically of our bodies. I am constantly hearing people talk about their body in a negative way. Body-shaming has become a normal and accepted part of the way that we talk. It's as if there is something wrong with you if you don't complain about how fat you think you are or how you wish you had tighter abs. It doesn't help that we are constantly bombarded by the media and ads telling us that we need to change something about our appearance, to fix ourselves in some way. Everyone gets down on themselves once in a while, I do too. It's part of life to feel insecure once in a while. But, I'm happy to say that after many years of a constant stream of negative self-talk I have finally found a great love for my own body.  I love the way my body feels when I stretch on my yoga mat. I celebrate when I try a new arm balance and am able to hold it for a few extra seconds. I enjoy the feeling of a full belly after eating a delicious home cooked meal. I didn't always feel this way though. I used to be very critical of myself and was constantly finding faults and things that I didn't like about my appearance. When I look back at that time, I feel exhausted thinking about it! I wasted so much energy and gained nothing from that kind of thinking.

If you find yourself getting stuck in the land of negative self-talk, start to think of one reason that you are grateful for your body. It can be anything, like "I'm grateful that my body has the energy to play with my kids." Or "I'm grateful for my ability to ride my bike today." It doesn't have to be a massive endeavor, celebrate the little things. Challenge yourself to find a few things, each day, that you like about yourself. Just like the student in my yoga class, we should all be celebrating the little victories as they come along. I encourage you to listen to how you talk about your body and be aware if you start to use body-shaming in your conversation (either in your head or out loud). In my own experience, the more negative and critical your thoughts, the more stress and anxiety you will have in your life. But if you can reduce the body-shaming and replace it with a more positive, loving voice, you will start to find more peace inside yourself. This will automatically spill into a more peaceful life, a more joyful life. Remember, this takes time, so be patient, take it one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. You are amazing and unique and there is so much to celebrate about you.


Love from Oz.

It's 2015 and I'm not hear to talk about detoxing

As we move into 2015, I can't help but feel bombarded by the articles on Facebook, the news and different blogs about detoxing, starting over, losing weight, eating better, etc. I agree that the new year is a great time to start fresh and think about making some changes but I wonder when it's ever enough. When does all of this detoxing, food control, fasting and new diet border on unhealthy?

When I suffered from anorexia, I restricted everything I ate. Everything. For those of you that have never experienced an eating disorder or been around someone with one, please note that I don't use the word everything lightly. There was so much thought and control that went into every little bite. Every single tiny bit of food was planned out and then planned out again....it takes up your entire life. No, I'm serious, it consumes you and then some. It's the saddest existence and I would never wish it on anyone. We are given this amazing chance to live and enjoy each day and I spent so much of it worrying about what I was going to eat, if I was going to eat but even more so; worrying about what I had already eaten. (because in my mind, any food was too much food) This is not living life. This is shrinking, controlling, disappearing....and for what?

We live in a world of shouldn't, should, must, have to, better not, can't have that...there is so much that isn't good for us, there is so much we should be doing to be healthier, thinner, younger looking, etc. I feel as if there is this never ending search for the perfect diet, workout, juice, recipe...it's exhausting. I am all for living a healthy lifestyle and eating well, don't get me wrong! In fact, just recently, I've discovered that I have much more energy and feel so much better without a lot of gluten in my diet. But, I don't like to focus too much on what I "can't eat" in my own diet, simply because of my history with an eating disorder. I am wary of anyone that tells me I have to stop eating this or that in order to be healthier. In fact, I've stopped restricting my food a long time ago and I feel healthier and happier for it. Everyone is different but I feel that most people struggle with a "diet" that tells you to never eat bread or fruit or chocolate. The more I had to restrict my food, the more I thought about it, the more it took over my day. It becomes an unhealthy thought pattern and that can quickly spiral out of control.

I believe that our health obsessed culture breeds more eating disorders and more people with a negative body image. Here in Australia, one in 20 people have an eating disorder and that rate is on the rise. It's for this reason that I want to encourage people to be aware of their thoughts around their habits and lifestyle. If you feel guilty for eating that one cookie or find yourself obsessing over the fact that you didn't get to yoga today, it could be time to cut yourself some slack. As a yoga teacher, I am constantly hearing people beat themselves up for not getting enough classes in this week...or eating too much pasta last night. There is so much pressure to live a certain way, to be "healthy."  I encourage you to take care of yourself, but sometimes that means staying home with your family and eating pasta instead of working out...or enjoying a dessert at a restaurant while out with your girlfriends. It means living without all of the control and the "I shouldn't" and the "this is bad" mentality.

So instead of thinking about your next fast, why not focus on that painting you've been putting off, or the book you've been meaning to read, or your family's holiday plans? After I recovered from my eating disorder, I couldn't believe how much time I had to do other things, the whole world opened up to me. If you find yourself always thinking about your diet, weight, body, please don't take that lightly, even if all of your friends and family are of the same mindset. (that's a whole other blog post) Here's to a new year with less emphasis on what you shouldn't be doing and more on what you can do! Here's to your dreams and a positive body image and this beautiful life you've been given.  I am grateful today for the food I get to eat and the body that allows me to move and dance and do yoga. I hope that more people, in their search for a healthier existence, see their ability and beauty and strength. This life is precious, eat it up, right now!

Love from Oz.


I feel very strongly that if you or someone you know is developing unhealthy eating or exercise habits that you visit http://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/ for more information. You can also send me an email at contact@butterflychrissy.com.au.

This is for all of the women

This is for all of the women.
This is for you.
Yes, it's for you dear sister, friend,
mother, wife, daughter and lover.

For the ones who are never satisfied
with the image looking back at them.
This is for your struggle,
the constant struggle!
to be something different,
to be like her....or her...even her.
Anything but you, yourself, the image looking back at you.

This is for the minutes, hours, days, nights...
is it a lifetime?
of trying to change, fix, perfect your already beautiful being.
This is for those moments spent (wasted)
starving, binging, purging, planning...
How long will you believe the lies? (those voices)
It's already been too long, too many minutes, my friend.

This is your life, now, it's here sister!
The voices, the demons, of course they will try to drag you down.
But listen, there will always be people out there ready
to pull you up, to hold you up, embrace, to love, love, love you up.
I love you, I see you,
all of your beauty,
your one and only kind of beauty.

This is for all of the women,
a call of sorts,
look up!
Yes, it's for you too.
You are strong and beautiful and fierce and so much more than you realize.
This is for you.
We can hold each other up, together,
here, take my hand.
I see you, your one and only kind of beauty.

 *       *      *      *       *        *      *      *      *        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, please talk to someone, it's time. Don't wait any longer. 

http://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/


Love from Oz.

Crying on the Podium

Just recently I taught a class, not too big and most of the students had been practicing for a while. It was a strong class from the start. Everyone was moving together, they were very focused, but what caught my attention was that they were all trying so hard. I mean, really trying, with determination on their faces as the sweat rolled into their eyes, off of their skin, onto their mat. As I was teaching Standing Head to Knee pose, I noticed one student had both legs straight and was working on bending his elbows down and I'd never before seen him go that far in the posture. He had improved so much. And the sight of that man, pushing himself to another level...I was overcome with emotion.

And that's when I realized I was going to cry. I can't remember if this is something that they warned us about at Teacher Training. Crying on the podium. They talk about feeling nervous, tired, or even when you are sick, but maybe not so much about crying. And so, as I stood up there, I felt my voice choke up, I swallowed back the tears...my words coming out very weak and quiet. Luckily, everyone was working so hard that most of them wouldn't have noticed their teacher was on the verge of tears. But at the end of the first set of the posture, I tried to regain my composure, making a joke that their postures were going to make me cry, they looked so good! And some of them quickly looked up, confused looks, some laughed...I can imagine some of them thinking I probably needed a break from the hot room!

But as I think back on that moment, I can only think, this is Yoga. I am here with you, present, I see you trying, I see you struggling and I feel it. I feel that you had a long day, that you're tired, but you're still in here, locking your knee, staring at yourself in the mirror, determined and focused. And it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. More than once throughout that class I had to fight back tears. I can't quite explain why it kept happening and even now, thinking back, it feels tender. Every class is different and this one was powerful for me. While I wouldn't want to feel like I was going to cry every time I teach a class, (yikes, no!) I am thankful for this time.

As a teacher, you see students cry, get frustrated, you see them fall, you see them give up. But you see them get up and try again, and change and grow...if you keep your eyes open, your heart open, you can see so much and learn so much. It's part of the journey of teaching and practicing this yoga. You learn from me and I learn from you. And I think that's what happened that day. My eyes were open. My heart was open.

My heart is open. 

Love from Oz.

the words

I think there is so much more
to say to you.
The words get lost
lost
lost
in the wake up
get up
get going
hurry
of the day.
And I'm scared
we will be
lost
so lost
if I don't find
the words.

Practice hard. Live more.

Bikram yoga has made my life so much better. It's pretty simple...before Bikram and after Bikram are two very different lives and hands down, this one's so much better. When I found the yoga, my life wasn't awful, it just wasn't...full of life. It wasn't joyful, it wasn't everything I hoped for, everything I dreamed about. I'm not saying that my life is perfect now by any means, it's not that...it's just that I'm doing something I truly love and sharing it with others...which in turn makes me feel so good. Every day. And it's considered my job! I'm surrounded by beautiful people who love this yoga and am lucky to share this passion with my partner, Craig.

But, being an all or nothing sort of gal, I've had to work hard at finding the balance. Yup, the balance of this yoga life. Being a full time teacher, I am in the room at least two to three times a day...teaching and practicing. I love to practice as much as I can, but sometimes I have to back off when I'm teaching alot of classes or if I want to spend time doing something else. This has not always been easy for me. I think alot of yogis go through this, especially those that have made Bikram Yoga a staple of their every day lives. The thing that we forget is that this yoga is here to help us live healthier, fuller, richer lives! It's not meant to stifle us or stop us from doing what we love. The other day I heard a student who had just finished a 30 day challenge say something to the effect that now he was going to take a break and go surfing the next day. And the way he said it sounded like..."now I'm going to go out and live my life and do stuff that I like." Since then, I've been thinking about it alot, this idea of balance and life and yoga. Bikram himself talks about doing what you love, eating what you like...he doesn't sit around quietly locked inside a yoga room. He's quite the opposite! So why can't we live that way?

I know that some people think that you should practice every single day, no matter what...and some weeks that's what I do. But then there are the days that I want to get up late and have a big breakfast with Craig...or go out for a coffee at one of our favorite cafes. Maybe there's a good movie on or I want to Skype with my Mom and Dad. Or sometimes, I just need a break, because I already taught a couple of classes and my body is tired. Or maybe there's no reason at all. The yoga is here to make what you love doing even better..surfing, running or biking. Maybe you're a dancer or swimmer...whatever it is, it's not meant to keep you from what you love. It's meant to give more life to your life, to give you more energy and focus and overall vitality. I think sometimes, we forget. We work so hard to get to class that we don't stop and think about anything else.

Now, that being said, there are days that I'm just making excuses for myself and simply need to get my butt into the room. We all have those days, but this is more about the overall practice and how it fits into your life. Finding the balance. Yoga is life, it's everything. It's not just the 90 minutes in the hot room, it's what happens after you walk out the door as well. You practice hard so you can live more. So do it. Start living. The yoga, this life...it's all there waiting for you.

Love from Oz.

to treasure

Sometimes all you need is to get back to the people that know you in the way only old friends can...all of your mistakes, your past loves, your dreams, your heartache, your tears, your crazy nights, your victories, the things that you can't even remember. (and sometimes don't want to) That kind of stuff. That kind of friend. The rare kind you treasure. Treasure forever. I was lucky to see more than one on my short trip to Michigan. It was so lovely. And lovely in that 'this is something I want to remember forever' way. I miss them already. Oh, and Michigan was beautiful. I forgot how much beauty there was in the mitten state. Especially after the first snow, sparkly, and the trees bare as the sun sets. Pretty Michigan.