Just recently I taught a class, not too big and most of the students had been practicing for a while. It was a strong class from the start. Everyone was moving together, they were very focused, but what caught my attention was that they were all trying so hard. I mean, really trying, with determination on their faces as the sweat rolled into their eyes, off of their skin, onto their mat. As I was teaching Standing Head to Knee pose, I noticed one student had both legs straight and was working on bending his elbows down and I'd never before seen him go that far in the posture. He had improved so much. And the sight of that man, pushing himself to another level...I was overcome with emotion.
And that's when I realized I was going to cry. I can't remember if this is something that they warned us about at Teacher Training. Crying on the podium. They talk about feeling nervous, tired, or even when you are sick, but maybe not so much about crying. And so, as I stood up there, I felt my voice choke up, I swallowed back the tears...my words coming out very weak and quiet. Luckily, everyone was working so hard that most of them wouldn't have noticed their teacher was on the verge of tears. But at the end of the first set of the posture, I tried to regain my composure, making a joke that their postures were going to make me cry, they looked so good! And some of them quickly looked up, confused looks, some laughed...I can imagine some of them thinking I probably needed a break from the hot room!
But as I think back on that moment, I can only think, this is Yoga. I am here with you, present, I see you trying, I see you struggling and I feel it. I feel that you had a long day, that you're tired, but you're still in here, locking your knee, staring at yourself in the mirror, determined and focused. And it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. More than once throughout that class I had to fight back tears. I can't quite explain why it kept happening and even now, thinking back, it feels tender. Every class is different and this one was powerful for me. While I wouldn't want to feel like I was going to cry every time I teach a class, (yikes, no!) I am thankful for this time.
As a teacher, you see students cry, get frustrated, you see them fall, you see them give up. But you see them get up and try again, and change and grow...if you keep your eyes open, your heart open, you can see so much and learn so much. It's part of the journey of teaching and practicing this yoga. You learn from me and I learn from you. And I think that's what happened that day. My eyes were open. My heart was open.
My heart is open.
Love from Oz.
