Crying on the Podium

Just recently I taught a class, not too big and most of the students had been practicing for a while. It was a strong class from the start. Everyone was moving together, they were very focused, but what caught my attention was that they were all trying so hard. I mean, really trying, with determination on their faces as the sweat rolled into their eyes, off of their skin, onto their mat. As I was teaching Standing Head to Knee pose, I noticed one student had both legs straight and was working on bending his elbows down and I'd never before seen him go that far in the posture. He had improved so much. And the sight of that man, pushing himself to another level...I was overcome with emotion.

And that's when I realized I was going to cry. I can't remember if this is something that they warned us about at Teacher Training. Crying on the podium. They talk about feeling nervous, tired, or even when you are sick, but maybe not so much about crying. And so, as I stood up there, I felt my voice choke up, I swallowed back the tears...my words coming out very weak and quiet. Luckily, everyone was working so hard that most of them wouldn't have noticed their teacher was on the verge of tears. But at the end of the first set of the posture, I tried to regain my composure, making a joke that their postures were going to make me cry, they looked so good! And some of them quickly looked up, confused looks, some laughed...I can imagine some of them thinking I probably needed a break from the hot room!

But as I think back on that moment, I can only think, this is Yoga. I am here with you, present, I see you trying, I see you struggling and I feel it. I feel that you had a long day, that you're tired, but you're still in here, locking your knee, staring at yourself in the mirror, determined and focused. And it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. More than once throughout that class I had to fight back tears. I can't quite explain why it kept happening and even now, thinking back, it feels tender. Every class is different and this one was powerful for me. While I wouldn't want to feel like I was going to cry every time I teach a class, (yikes, no!) I am thankful for this time.

As a teacher, you see students cry, get frustrated, you see them fall, you see them give up. But you see them get up and try again, and change and grow...if you keep your eyes open, your heart open, you can see so much and learn so much. It's part of the journey of teaching and practicing this yoga. You learn from me and I learn from you. And I think that's what happened that day. My eyes were open. My heart was open.

My heart is open. 

Love from Oz.

Practice hard. Live more.

Bikram yoga has made my life so much better. It's pretty simple...before Bikram and after Bikram are two very different lives and hands down, this one's so much better. When I found the yoga, my life wasn't awful, it just wasn't...full of life. It wasn't joyful, it wasn't everything I hoped for, everything I dreamed about. I'm not saying that my life is perfect now by any means, it's not that...it's just that I'm doing something I truly love and sharing it with others...which in turn makes me feel so good. Every day. And it's considered my job! I'm surrounded by beautiful people who love this yoga and am lucky to share this passion with my partner, Craig.

But, being an all or nothing sort of gal, I've had to work hard at finding the balance. Yup, the balance of this yoga life. Being a full time teacher, I am in the room at least two to three times a day...teaching and practicing. I love to practice as much as I can, but sometimes I have to back off when I'm teaching alot of classes or if I want to spend time doing something else. This has not always been easy for me. I think alot of yogis go through this, especially those that have made Bikram Yoga a staple of their every day lives. The thing that we forget is that this yoga is here to help us live healthier, fuller, richer lives! It's not meant to stifle us or stop us from doing what we love. The other day I heard a student who had just finished a 30 day challenge say something to the effect that now he was going to take a break and go surfing the next day. And the way he said it sounded like..."now I'm going to go out and live my life and do stuff that I like." Since then, I've been thinking about it alot, this idea of balance and life and yoga. Bikram himself talks about doing what you love, eating what you like...he doesn't sit around quietly locked inside a yoga room. He's quite the opposite! So why can't we live that way?

I know that some people think that you should practice every single day, no matter what...and some weeks that's what I do. But then there are the days that I want to get up late and have a big breakfast with Craig...or go out for a coffee at one of our favorite cafes. Maybe there's a good movie on or I want to Skype with my Mom and Dad. Or sometimes, I just need a break, because I already taught a couple of classes and my body is tired. Or maybe there's no reason at all. The yoga is here to make what you love doing even better..surfing, running or biking. Maybe you're a dancer or swimmer...whatever it is, it's not meant to keep you from what you love. It's meant to give more life to your life, to give you more energy and focus and overall vitality. I think sometimes, we forget. We work so hard to get to class that we don't stop and think about anything else.

Now, that being said, there are days that I'm just making excuses for myself and simply need to get my butt into the room. We all have those days, but this is more about the overall practice and how it fits into your life. Finding the balance. Yoga is life, it's everything. It's not just the 90 minutes in the hot room, it's what happens after you walk out the door as well. You practice hard so you can live more. So do it. Start living. The yoga, this life...it's all there waiting for you.

Love from Oz.

Mirrors. Love. 90 Minutes.

Bikram Yoga is a 90 minute class practiced in front of mirrors. Lots of mirrors. Mirrors in front, sometimes mirrors to the side, mirrors behind, it depends on the studio. But always mirrors in front. When I first started practicing this yoga, I found it unnerving to stare at myself for 90 whole minutes. That's a long time in front of a mirror. Especially for someone who, when starting, had a less than stellar self image and never liked the image looking back at her from said mirror. So stepping into a class and being told at the beginning of the class, "Focus one point on yourself in the mirror. Don't move your eyes. Don't blink your eyes."...yeah right. Are you kidding me, lady? But there were all of these people in class doing it! I was amazed. I remember that part of being a beginner...the awe I felt for those students in the front row (so darned close to those mirrors!) who had this intense focus on themselves the whole class. 90 minutes, looking straight ahead, no distractions, complete stillness...it intimidated me to no end. I wanted that too. I wanted that confidence, that focus, to stare at myself, to see myself in the mirror. To see my strengths, my beauty and my flaws and to keep staring. 

So I kept coming to class. More and more, at first a few times a week and then at least 5-7 days per week. I was addicted. And I was determined to find my focus, to look in the mirror for 90 minutes...to see (and I didn't know it at the time) and to love what I saw looking back at me. Honestly, when I started this yoga, I had no idea what I wanted to get out of it, nor did I think that it would give me all that is has or open my eyes so wide.

I can't tell you exactly when it happened...I know that it was a gradual process. But through my practice, I have found more confidence, more self-love, more focus than I ever imagined. I can stare at myself in the mirror, for 90 minutes at a time, with love, with compassion but also with truth. The mirror doesn't lie. It tells me when my ego has joined me on the mat, when I've brought my worries into the room with me and also when I need to give myself a break. I still have classes where I see things that I don't like, of course, and the old voices try to resurface and take control. But they don't last long, not anymore, as I've gained too much strength in my mind and also my body and that makes me feel beautiful.

When I see my foot coming up over my head in Standing Bow, that is beautiful. When I lock my knee and kick my leg out in Standing Head to Knee, that is powerful. When I have sweat rolling into my eyes and I stand in stillness, that is focus. When I look at myself in the mirror at the end of my 90 minutes, no matter what kind of class I've had, that is pure joy. Because I've found the focus, the concentration...and most important, the love. For me, for all that I am and all that I am working to become.


"Bikram Yoga is the first time you start loving yourself because it's the first time you start seeing yourself." Rajashree Choudhury


Love from India.

Being present

India has definitely made it's way into my heart and I find it hard to believe it's the last month of our trip. As we talk about in Bikram Yoga, I need to remember to stay present...right now, in this moment, here in India. Because who knows if I'll ever get to come back? So I need to grab hold of today and love it love it love it with all my might.

Here are just a few things I love about India:

 fresh coconut water (yum)

 walking home and petting an elephant on the way

 Craig getting rowdy with the local boys (rockstar much?)

the food, the food, so much food!

exploring new places with our yoga students

sharing all of this with Craig

 the beauty of right now

Wherever you are, I hope you can be present. Enjoy this moment, this day...right now.

Love from India.

 

90 Minutes of Crazy

Teach, Practice, Teach...or...Practice, Teach, Teach...or...Teach, Teach, Practice...

There are a few variations to the above routine 

but either way we end up in the hot room three times a day. 

And it's hot. And humid.

So that means lots of sweating, whether you teach a class or practice a class. 

Bikram Yoga is a 90 minute hot class. 

And it's amazing. And we love it. 

Which would explain the three times a day...

every day.

And if you're wondering if I am 

a little crazy 

as I spend most of my day in a hot room 

with other sweaty people, yes, a little. 

But I love it.

Me, or my armpit, doing Standing Bow Pulling Pose.

Love from India.

A Burger, fries and some yoga

This weekend has been perfect, just what I needed. A weekend with a burger, fries, yoga and Craig...not necessarily in that order. And some fun on Pinterest!

 All week I've been craving a good juicy American burger and fries. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Indian food and we eat a ton of it but sometimes I just want...well, food that doesn't give me delhi belly. So last night we headed to the Hard Rock Cafe near us and indulged in a burger, fries and chocolate shake. It was the best thing ever. Ever.

Like a good yogi, I practiced my Bikram Yoga class Saturday morning and had one of the best naps that same afternoon. You know the kind where it's the perfect length, not too short or too long and you sleep really deep and wake up feeling refreshed and ready for another day? Yup, one of those. And then we proceeded to watch TV movies together. I love doing nothing with Craig. It's so nice to have that person you can just be lazy with, be tired with, just be with... And then go out and eat a big burger together.

We had our old roommate Mary over today (she lived in our yoga apt. for a month) and we all hung out, ate lunch and watched the Rugby World Cup, Ireland vs. Italy. Okay, okay, Craig and Mary watched it, I played on Pinterest. Have you tried it? It's addicting!! Mary is lovely and says things like "deadly" in her Irish accent and it actually sounds so cute. Who knew deadly could be cute? Also, she brought over bars of dark chocolate and pop so what's not to love?

Tonight I will cuddle with Craig, we will most likely order some yummy but spicy Indian food and watch the movie Whip It. If you haven't seen it yet, you should, but you may want to join a roller derby league after watching it...just a warning. I did. It doesn't matter if you can't skate, you will still want to join one.

This weekend was good because I needed to remind myself how lucky I am right now. Here, in this moment. Sure, Craig and I are in debt and can't spend much money...and maybe we are a little (okay alot!) burnt out as it's our 5th month here teaching non-stop...but overall life is pretty good. We can still enjoy a delicious burger, practice our yoga every day, get fresh juice on the side of the road, spend time with our lovely students...and most of all, we have each other. I have someone who loves me for who I am right now, not how I was before we got to India, or just when I am smiley and happy, but now. When I feel sad and homesick and cry over my delicious Hard Rock burger...he listens and doesn't judge me or get embarrassed. In that way, he loves me. And for that, I am thankful.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Love from India.

Being a Bikram Yoga Teacher makes life pretty cool...

Ever since I quit my job and decided to be a Bikram Yoga teacher, life has been pretty awesome. I met my love, Craig, at Teacher Training, and moved to another country, because he is not from America, as I am. In fact, he lived very very far away from my country....Australia to be exact. This was a bit tricky once I realized I was completely in love with him, but it worked out quite well and I am now totally off the topic I was starting to write about. Which is...since becoming teachers, we were offered the opportunity to live in India for 6 months and teach. I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd get to visit India, but here we are! Being here is amazing, it's beautiful, loud, sad, but peaceful as well...we are learning so much...as teachers, as individuals...about life, the yoga, each other. I wasn't quite sure where my life was going to take me once I made the leap and became a Bikram Yoga teacher...but so far it's been an amazing ride, who knows what will happen next. For now I will enjoy the time I have in India, it's going too fast!