the light of dance and breath

It began as a way to survive,
the control and restriction,
the self punishment and starvation.
It was a way to stay small...on so many levels.
A secret and slow fading away.

At times, I truly thought it was a kind of
freedom.
A freedom from everyone else's way.
A freedom from the right way, the only way.
But now I see it was actually the opposite,
chains, a cage, clipping my wings so there could be
no chance of flight.

In the midst of the control, fear and self-loathing
I found movement with breath,
strength in the slow, steady beat of my heart,
beauty in my imperfectly perfect self.
I found yoga.
Thank you Universe
for sending me the light of dance
and breath....
for finding a way to connect my heart to my body
and my soul to my truth.

In yoga I have become a woman who loves her own body,
the way it feels when I reach for the sky with my fingertips...
the way it feels as I hug the earth with my belly and heart.
I have become a woman who delights in the sensation of
sweat slipping down my skin,
heart pounding in my chest
and the breath leading each moment.
Each breath is leading me to
a deeper connection to freedom.

If life before yoga was empty and starving
it's now full of light, love, laughter and play...
It's full of movement, growth and an ever expanding
desire to leave the old layers behind.
As I move and flow I release the chains
and unlock the cage around my heart.
In yoga I am more connected to my
playful spirit and the call of my wild beautiful soul.

I no longer need the control of my anorexic mind.
The power her voice once held is gone and instead
I hear music.
It's the song of freedom
and I'm dancing
dancing
dancing
with gratitude for this life.


Love from Oz.
All Rights Reserved - Chrissy Beth
 

Getting stuck in the land of negative self-talk

After teaching a yoga class yesterday, one of the students came up to me to talk about something she had been able to do for the first time. She told me that she was able to grab her heels in Camel pose and she was elated! She said that after she'd finished the posture and come up, she was so excited she wanted to tell everyone. She wanted to celebrate! Her daughter was practicing next to her and she said it was hard not to call out to her and share her success.

Her excitement and happiness over what her body was able to do is still in mind today. As women (and men) we can be so critical of ourselves, specifically of our bodies. I am constantly hearing people talk about their body in a negative way. Body-shaming has become a normal and accepted part of the way that we talk. It's as if there is something wrong with you if you don't complain about how fat you think you are or how you wish you had tighter abs. It doesn't help that we are constantly bombarded by the media and ads telling us that we need to change something about our appearance, to fix ourselves in some way. Everyone gets down on themselves once in a while, I do too. It's part of life to feel insecure once in a while. But, I'm happy to say that after many years of a constant stream of negative self-talk I have finally found a great love for my own body.  I love the way my body feels when I stretch on my yoga mat. I celebrate when I try a new arm balance and am able to hold it for a few extra seconds. I enjoy the feeling of a full belly after eating a delicious home cooked meal. I didn't always feel this way though. I used to be very critical of myself and was constantly finding faults and things that I didn't like about my appearance. When I look back at that time, I feel exhausted thinking about it! I wasted so much energy and gained nothing from that kind of thinking.

If you find yourself getting stuck in the land of negative self-talk, start to think of one reason that you are grateful for your body. It can be anything, like "I'm grateful that my body has the energy to play with my kids." Or "I'm grateful for my ability to ride my bike today." It doesn't have to be a massive endeavor, celebrate the little things. Challenge yourself to find a few things, each day, that you like about yourself. Just like the student in my yoga class, we should all be celebrating the little victories as they come along. I encourage you to listen to how you talk about your body and be aware if you start to use body-shaming in your conversation (either in your head or out loud). In my own experience, the more negative and critical your thoughts, the more stress and anxiety you will have in your life. But if you can reduce the body-shaming and replace it with a more positive, loving voice, you will start to find more peace inside yourself. This will automatically spill into a more peaceful life, a more joyful life. Remember, this takes time, so be patient, take it one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. You are amazing and unique and there is so much to celebrate about you.


Love from Oz.