a wild broken heart

She wondered if she would
ever grow tired of
the quiet cracking, splitting, breaking
of her heart.
Each rip a reminder (a caution of sorts)
that she was well and truly
breakable...
Fragile, if she was being honest.

Some might say she was
foolish,
a naive woman with
a wild, broken heart.

She wondered if they might be right.
Maybe a lock made sense
or a cage to keep
connection at bay.
A simpler way to live..
and this way meant less risk of
shattered pieces,
less chance of
broken fragments
scattered with yet another
lost love.

So she tried living in the cage
and she locked up her
wild, broken heart.
But it was never meant
to be tamed.
It kept her awake
with songs of
freedom and longing
and love.

She understood that her heart knew better
and in that moment
there was no cage or lock,
no bars or armour
to guard her
achingly beautiful,
eternally hopeful
wild, broken heart.

And she knew that
she would never grow tired of this
endless dance,
this miraculous journey lead by her
powerful heart compass.

Some might call her journey dangerous,
even say she was crazy...
but she would choose
wild and free,
love and light,

over a life with a cage any day.
She would choose a wild, broken heart.

Love from Oz.

the light of dance and breath

It began as a way to survive,
the control and restriction,
the self punishment and starvation.
It was a way to stay small...on so many levels.
A secret and slow fading away.

At times, I truly thought it was a kind of
freedom.
A freedom from everyone else's way.
A freedom from the right way, the only way.
But now I see it was actually the opposite,
chains, a cage, clipping my wings so there could be
no chance of flight.

In the midst of the control, fear and self-loathing
I found movement with breath,
strength in the slow, steady beat of my heart,
beauty in my imperfectly perfect self.
I found yoga.
Thank you Universe
for sending me the light of dance
and breath....
for finding a way to connect my heart to my body
and my soul to my truth.

In yoga I have become a woman who loves her own body,
the way it feels when I reach for the sky with my fingertips...
the way it feels as I hug the earth with my belly and heart.
I have become a woman who delights in the sensation of
sweat slipping down my skin,
heart pounding in my chest
and the breath leading each moment.
Each breath is leading me to
a deeper connection to freedom.

If life before yoga was empty and starving
it's now full of light, love, laughter and play...
It's full of movement, growth and an ever expanding
desire to leave the old layers behind.
As I move and flow I release the chains
and unlock the cage around my heart.
In yoga I am more connected to my
playful spirit and the call of my wild beautiful soul.

I no longer need the control of my anorexic mind.
The power her voice once held is gone and instead
I hear music.
It's the song of freedom
and I'm dancing
dancing
dancing
with gratitude for this life.


Love from Oz.
All Rights Reserved - Chrissy Beth
 

connection

Connection

Everyone wants it but so many are scared of it.
You find it and then you run away.
Fear, holding you back.
You smash into it and it knocks you off of your feet.
it's powerful, the stuff of electricity,
the stuff of eye meets eye and not looking away.
Because you see my soul and I see yours
and I'd like to dive in deeper.

Often the connection gets lost in your head
which tries to sort out, rationalize, arrange and
make sense of this strange and beautiful energy buzz,
this 'I met you yesterday but I've known you always' sort of feeling.
You knew me before, your head will tell you otherwise but
your heart is right.
Your heart knows the truth.

So for some this is when it's time to
lock up the heart, put up the gate, close the door. (Quick, slam it shut!)
Too much, too scary, too strong....
too familiar.
Safer to stay in your head, to look away,
avert your gaze...
Especially when you were just about to dive in deeper.
Careful, cautious, best to stay on the same path
so you know what's coming, no unexpected turns or bumps.

Everyone else seems to be doing okay
with their familiar path
and averted eyes
but I want more.
There's so much more than okay.
This life is too short and
I'm not everyone else.

I've unlocked my heart and my door is open
and I see you.
I see your beauty and your mess and
I feel the pain you've been holding onto for too long.
I feel scared too but I'd rather the fear than
no connection at all.
I'd rather the risk and the jump
than the safety net.

This is the stuff of real life,
the connections we make,
the risks we take and it's electric.
Electric authenticity when you hold my gaze
and take my hand
and dive in deeper.

Love from Oz.

All right reserved - Chrissy Beth. 2015