a wild broken heart

She wondered if she would
ever grow tired of
the quiet cracking, splitting, breaking
of her heart.
Each rip a reminder (a caution of sorts)
that she was well and truly
breakable...
Fragile, if she was being honest.

Some might say she was
foolish,
a naive woman with
a wild, broken heart.

She wondered if they might be right.
Maybe a lock made sense
or a cage to keep
connection at bay.
A simpler way to live..
and this way meant less risk of
shattered pieces,
less chance of
broken fragments
scattered with yet another
lost love.

So she tried living in the cage
and she locked up her
wild, broken heart.
But it was never meant
to be tamed.
It kept her awake
with songs of
freedom and longing
and love.

She understood that her heart knew better
and in that moment
there was no cage or lock,
no bars or armour
to guard her
achingly beautiful,
eternally hopeful
wild, broken heart.

And she knew that
she would never grow tired of this
endless dance,
this miraculous journey lead by her
powerful heart compass.

Some might call her journey dangerous,
even say she was crazy...
but she would choose
wild and free,
love and light,

over a life with a cage any day.
She would choose a wild, broken heart.

Love from Oz.

the light of dance and breath

It began as a way to survive,
the control and restriction,
the self punishment and starvation.
It was a way to stay small...on so many levels.
A secret and slow fading away.

At times, I truly thought it was a kind of
freedom.
A freedom from everyone else's way.
A freedom from the right way, the only way.
But now I see it was actually the opposite,
chains, a cage, clipping my wings so there could be
no chance of flight.

In the midst of the control, fear and self-loathing
I found movement with breath,
strength in the slow, steady beat of my heart,
beauty in my imperfectly perfect self.
I found yoga.
Thank you Universe
for sending me the light of dance
and breath....
for finding a way to connect my heart to my body
and my soul to my truth.

In yoga I have become a woman who loves her own body,
the way it feels when I reach for the sky with my fingertips...
the way it feels as I hug the earth with my belly and heart.
I have become a woman who delights in the sensation of
sweat slipping down my skin,
heart pounding in my chest
and the breath leading each moment.
Each breath is leading me to
a deeper connection to freedom.

If life before yoga was empty and starving
it's now full of light, love, laughter and play...
It's full of movement, growth and an ever expanding
desire to leave the old layers behind.
As I move and flow I release the chains
and unlock the cage around my heart.
In yoga I am more connected to my
playful spirit and the call of my wild beautiful soul.

I no longer need the control of my anorexic mind.
The power her voice once held is gone and instead
I hear music.
It's the song of freedom
and I'm dancing
dancing
dancing
with gratitude for this life.


Love from Oz.
All Rights Reserved - Chrissy Beth
 

Broken woman

Today I am a broken woman.
I feel all the bones in my body

They ache with the weight of change
At any moment they might crumble to the ground...
and part of me wouldn't mind that. 

Today I am a broken woman
With less to give than I'd like

In fact, I'm empty
So if you take anything
It's a facade
the surrounds of me

You can have it
But I can't promise it will bring you any joy or love.

Today I am a broken woman

There is a song inside of me
The melody a bit haunting
but so beautiful all at once

I thought it was new at first
but then realized it's always been there
In all women

A universal tune we share 
Our anthem, if you will
The union of all of our stories
Verses
Notes 
Combined into this one everlasting song
A song of healing.

Today I am a broken woman
I see my sisters in their beauty and their pain
I see you.

In our struggle and tears 
All the moments of painful truth that we become 
We become more beautiful.
I see your beauty, sister.

Today I am a broken woman
It will pass
The fog will lift and my bones will find their strength
To hold me
Hold others

I will face the world in full power and love.
But for now
I will be okay with crumbling
It's what I need

I will embrace my broken pieces 
and sing them the universal tune
the one that leaks out my eyes 
and down my cheeks
the one that heals. 

And I will love myself
In this 
This moment 
Of pure
Raw transformation. 


 Love from Oz.